Grasping

Awareness
is frightening.
Bigger than
my grasping
conscience.
Churning, faint shadows
of faces--
Amo las sombras,
aunque ellas que
no me conozco.
Don't fade.

unknown

pictures of my reflection,
my shadow.
always lurking
beside me.
obscure,
unknown,
waiting, my soul,
waiting.
to meet
my Spirit.

Garrison sunset

i hear malted milk
in the waves,
locusts frenzy,
gulls like angry whistles
on the breeze,
lackluster caresses,
careening.
the sun
cutting through the ripples,
softly piercing
the horizon
of malted milk.

sign language

sign language is...

beautiful,
mysterious,
full of expression,
amazing and...
silent.

afternoon innocence

Mountainside soccer game.
Unexpected laughter.
Fleeting innocence.
Heho, Burma

out of reach

meteors

regardless
of my perspective,
they were
falling.
showering.
behind
grey, billowing
haziness.
caressing
the earth,
with their
brilliance.

embraces

gentle stillness.
engulfed
in tranquility.
abrazos
encircling
my being.

cuatro cuartos

cuatro cuartos.
waiting for
life,
vida
viviendo.
yo y él-
estar aspirando,
life.
comienzando en
cuatro cuartos.

i-n-s-o-m-n-i-a

insomnia
in-som-nia
insom-nia
inso-mni-a
insom-nia
in-som-ni-a
in-s-o-m-ni-a

air conditioner
bumbling,
heavy night
sweat.
vibrating locusts
fading
into the sunset.
buzz,
buzzzz,
buzzzing
streetlights.
rumbling
cars.

purple-cast
eeriness,
outlined in
yellow haze.

stillness.

tossing,
turn.
the same
pillow.
same smells,
same sounds,
same outlines
of my
pillow.

chirping
perpetrates,
along with
crisp, white
radiance.

it's 5am.
insomnia.

insomnia
in-som-nia
insom-nia
inso-mni-a
insom-nia
in-som-ni-a
in-s-o-m-ni-a

Descend

Heavy, basement
bar.
Seasoned with
cigarette-stained
walls.
Of wood.
Reverberating
music,
late into the night.
Dark,
glamorous,
clumsiness.

The Moaners
Auntie Mae's

2

i thought i lost

a friend,
but i gained 2.
8 years ago,
seems like 8 days.
kindred spirits,
gentle creations
of God's earth,
molded into
compassion and joy.
i found a friend
i thought i'd lost.
and there are 2.

a box

sometimes i think that pictures are memories- pent up, stored up- in a box. waiting to be remembered.

A shadow story...

the metallic,
impenetrable
waters of the present.
my Soul,
a reflection
of the deep Unknown.
Raw,
exposed,
alive.
Lake Michigan
Chicago, IL

I am

Torn.
Between giving and withholding.
Frustrated unknowing.
Grasping for,
craving for-
balance.
Desire.
Anger from
questions without
answers,
actions without assurance.
Joy,
in simplicity.
Warm tendernesses.
Unrestrained-
smiles.
And laughter.
Free, uninhibited
happiness.
Whole.
Because my own humanity
creates boundaries,
for undiscovered
love.
I am torn.

there are

there are these couples
with blank,
starving
eyes.
empty.

Beatitude

i saw it outside myself.
on tippy toes,
it was there.
cupped in delicateness
that washed down my arms,
from the sky
i was reaching towards.

palms burning,
deep ravines.
massive brown paper bags,
leftovers--
from gluttony.

his hands-
empty.
his eyes shone-
behind hallowed
features,
of God.
Bryant Park,
Manhattan,
midnight.

fear,
didn't exist.
on that street,
where the Sun was shining.

at midnight.

Beatitude-
i was there.
with palms burning.

In that place

In that place
where dreams overtook me,
and fought within me,
under the covers, under my pillow
this song haunts me,
rich, powerful, distraught patience.
I'm reminded there is a difference
between "toughness" and
"strength."
I am both.
Together.
One.

Regina Spektor, "Samson"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p62rfWxs6a8
(Samson means "of the Sun" & was a Herculean figure, who is granted tremendous strength through the Spirit of the Lord to combat his enemies and perform heroic feats unachievable by ordinary men.)

Forever

Forever is like a moment that stretches unseeingly into the hazy future. How does Forever decide that Now isn't enough, can Now be part of Forever? Does my Forever end with the Forevers in another's life, or will my Forever continue long into the future-- forever? Forever seems so permanent, stable, terrifyingly distant-- exhilarating. Is God the only source of Forever? My path stretches forever before me, God is Forever with me, I can't change parts of me to be Forever, it's what already exists in me that is Forever...


From Wave Watcher by Craig Johnson (my 9th grade soccer coach & encourager of life's experiences): "Forever" is an important word in my family. We use it only when we mean it, and it can mean so many things. I've learned a lot about the word this year by reading a few of my father's love letters to my mother. Dad always signs his notes with a stroke that reads "Forever." In turn, Mom signs her notes "Sempre"-- that's Portuguese for "forever." Recently, I've learned how so many things are forever.

Summer 夏の俳句

lightning bugs ignite
a calm, restless radiance
in the thick, night air

deep earth echoing
venerable cicada
resonates desire

Sunday

“some day”

sounds like –

a Sunday sundae,

my dreams,

a long time,

today…

my mind

my mind
changes like blinking eyes,
subconsciously;
one moment never begins
because a beginning has an end.

Now

construct a dream

existing of reality.

now.

i want to cherish it
in my heart--
undiscovered.
until Certainty
answers.

Answers

Today this quote was called to mind by a conversation I had...

"Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart.
Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language.
Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them.
It is a question of experiencing everything.
At present you need to live the question.
Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer,
some distant day."
-Rainer Maria Rilke

For years this quote has very likely been
the answer to many of my questions.
Not so much answers,
but sentiments allowing me
to continue on God's path.
I like the thought
of distant days.
I like the thought
of living
in the present.
I don't like the thought
of living in the
past...
except as incentive to
enjoy today,
now,
forever,
and tomorrow,
today.

Restlessness

some form of restlessness
is overwhelming me.
not so much restlessness,
but excitement.
yes, that's it.
excitement.
for life.
with joy
for blessings,
poured out to me,
with each
falling
raindrop.

Cycling the summer away

so this summer i decided i'd bike to work every day. this might not seem like such a challenge in the bike-filled asian countries, or the hot-paved streets of new york. but in little manhattan, ks, the city isn't planned to accommodate, get this, a bike. 3 miles across town. 730am. several pot holes later, i cross the mammoth 4-laner + turn lanes. passing by the local wal-mart, sonic, quiznos, big bumbling trucks, gas $3.79, waiting at the light. i'm in the turn lane. sweet love, the straight-away is all mine. on my bike. in manhattan.